How to overcome limerence

How to overcome limerence

What is limerence?

Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and is typically associated with strong feelings of love, admiration, and hope. Limerent people often feel that they cannot control their feelings and thoughts about the object of their limerence. Limerence can be short-lived, such as a crush, or it can last for years. It is sometimes called “being head over heels.”

The causes of limerence

Limerence can be incredibly tough to deal with, but there are some things you can do to try and overcome it. There are many different causes of limerence, such as unrequited love, being in a long-distance relationship, or even simply having a crush on someone. In this section, we’ll explore some of the different causes of limerence and some tips on overcoming them.

Unrequited love

Unrequited love is a type of love that is not reciprocated by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer’s deep and strong romantic affection or may consciously reject it. The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines unrequited as “not reciprocated or returned in kind.”

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the term “limerence” for her 1974 book, Limerance: The Experience of Being in Love, to describe this type of love. She defined limerence as an involuntary cognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another person who does not return that feeling.

Limerence, also called “cyclical obsessionalism” or “Passionate love,” can be all-consuming and may last for years or even a lifetime if it remains unrequited. While limerence itself is not classified as a mental disorder, it can lead to unhealthy behaviors such as stalking or obsessively checking social media for signs of the beloved’s attention. If you are struggling with limerence, there are some things you can do to cope with the intense feelings and take steps toward recovery.

One-sided love

Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and is typically associated with strong feelings of happiness, anxiety, and confusion. While limerence is not the same as love, it is often compared to being “madly in love.”

Limerence is often one-sided, meaning only one person in the relationship feels it. The limerent person may feel obsessive thoughts and fantasies about the object of their limerence and feel a strong need to reciprocate these feelings. These obsessive thoughts can be all-consuming, and the limerent person may find it difficult to focus on anything else.

Limerence can be short-lived or long-lasting and may not lead to a physical relationship. It is important to note that limerence is not the same as sexual attraction, though they may overlap.

Infatuation

Infatuation is often mistaken for love, but it is not the same thing. Infatuation is a short-lived passionate attraction to someone. It is usually based on an idealized image of the person rather than the reality of who they are. You may become obsessed with the person and feel pleased with them, but the feelings are not based on anything real or lasting. Infatuation can also cause you to become possessive and jealous and act in ways you would not normally behave. If you think you might be fascinated with someone, here are some signs to look out for:

-You can’t stop thinking about the person

-You idealize the person and put them on a pedestal

-You obsess over their every move and what they are doing

-You become jealous and possessive

-You start to change your appearance and interests to try and be more like them

-You neglect your friends and family in favor of spending all your time with the person

-Your self-esteem depends on their approval

-You would do anything to be with them

-You are willing to overlook their flaws

The symptoms of limerence

Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and is typically accompanied by fantasies and obsessive thoughts. The object of limerence can be of any gender, and the limerent person may or may not have met them.

Intrusive thoughts

Limerence is often described as an involuntary cognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another. The limerent person typically feels shy, self-conscious, and emotionally volatile.

A chance encounter can spark limerence or develop from a platonic friendship over time. It is often sparked by physical attraction but can also be triggered by the perception of intellectual, spiritual, or social compatibility.

Limerent people often report obsessive, intrusive thoughts about their object of desire. They may spend excessive time thinking about the person and feel a strong need to have regular contact with them. They may also fantasize about being with the person or having a relationship with them.

Limerence can lead to antisocial behaviors such as stalking or spying on the object of one’s desire. In extreme cases, it can result in violent behavior such as rape or murder.

If you are obsessed with someone and struggling to control your thoughts and behaviors, it is important to seek professional help. Some treatments available can help you manage the symptoms of limerence and overcome your obsession.

Preoccupation

The main symptom of limerence is an all-consuming preoccupation with the object of one’s affection. This means that the limerent is constantly thinking about the other person and wondering what they are doing, who they are with, and whether they reciprocate their feelings. This can be extremely distracting and interfere with work, study and relationships.

The limerent may also go to great lengths to find out information about the other person or make sure they notice them. This can manifest as cyberstalking, excessive texting or calling, or always being “accidentally” in the same places as the object of their affection.

Anxiety

Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and is typically accompanied by strong feelings of admiration and desire. Limerent people often daydream about the object of their affection and feel restless or preoccupied when they are not around them. This can lead to anxiety, as limerent individuals may worry about being rejected or fear that they are not good enough for the person they are attracted to. If you are limerent, you may find yourself constantly thinking about the object of your limerence and struggling to concentrate on other things. This can be extremely frustrating and overwhelming, but there are some things you can do to manage your limerence and reduce its impact on your life.

One of the most effective ways to overcome limerence is to focus on your happiness and well-being. Spend time with friends and loved ones, do things that make you feel good, and take care of yourself emotionally and physically. This will help you feel better about yourself and reduce your dependency on the other person. It would help if you stayed busy and occupied, as this will take your mind off the other person’s thoughts. If you find it difficult to control your thoughts, consider keeping a journal where you can write down your thoughts and feelings. This can help you to identify patterns in your thinking and understand what triggers your limerence. Finally, remember that limerence is often not reciprocated, so don’t put your whole life on hold in the hope that the other person will return your feelings.

The effects of limerence

Limerence can have a significant effect on one’s life. It can interfere with work, school, and personal relationships. In some cases, limerence can lead to obsessive and unhealthy behaviors. If you think you might be limerent, you can do a few things to overcome it.

Depression

Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic or sexual attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of one’s attraction.

While limerence can lead to wonderful, fulfilling relationships, it can also be the source of great pain and suffering, particularly if the object of one’s limerence does not reciprocate their feelings. If you find yourself in limerence for someone who does not want to be with you, it can be easy to slip into depression. Here are some tips for how to overcome depression caused by limerence:

-Talk to someone who understands. It can be really helpful to talk to someone who knows what you’re going through and can offer support and understanding.

-Focus on self-care. Don’t forget to take care of yourself emotionally and physically while going through this tough time.

-Allow yourself to grieve. It’s normal to feel sad and lonely when your limerent object doesn’t feel the same way about you. Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of this potential relationship before moving on.

-Find other things to focus on. Now is a good time to focus on your hobbies, interests, and goals outside of limerence. Throw yourself into work, volunteerism, or creative pursuits and find fulfillment in these areas.

-Remember that this, too, shall pass. Limerence is often intense but temporary; eventually, the feelings will subside, and you will be able to move on with your life.

Obsession

Limerence is a state of mind that results from a romantic attraction to another person and is typically accompanied by passion and obsessiveness. Limerent people often fixate on their object of attraction, longing for their approval and constantly thinking about them. While limerence can lead to positive outcomes such as long-lasting relationships, it can also have negative consequences such as reduced productivity, social withdrawal, and depression.

There are several ways to overcome limerence, which can help people return to a more balanced state of mind. Some methods include:

-Identifying and challenging Irrational Thoughts: One of the key features of limerence is convincing oneself that the object of one’s affection is perfect, even when there is evidence to the contrary. Identifying and challenging these distorted thoughts can be important in overcoming limerence.

-Engaging in Other Activities: When people are fixated on someone else, they often neglect other important aspects of their life such as their friends, family, hobbies, and goals. Focusing on these other areas can help take some of the focus of the limerent object and restore balance.

-Practicing Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being present at the moment and accepting thoughts and feelings without judgment. This can be difficult when overcome by limerence, but it can help people accept themselves and their feelings without getting caught up in the obsessiveness that accompanies this state.

Addiction

Limerence can be all-consuming, and some struggle to maintain healthy relationships and cope with everyday life. When limerence interferes with work, school, or other obligations might be considered an addiction.

People who are addicted to limerence may fixate on one person or multiple people at the same time. They may spend hours thinking about their object of affection or engaging in activities that will increase their chance of encountering them. This can interfere with work, school, and hobbies and lead to problems in personal relationships.

Left untreated, limerence addiction can lead to:

-Anxiety

-Depression

-Obsessive thoughts and behaviors

  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Disruption in social and work life
  • If you think you might be addicted to limerence, talk to a mental health professional who can help you manage your symptoms and take steps to recover.
  • How to overcome limerence
  • Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and is typically accompanied by fantasies and obsessive thoughts. If you’re struggling with limerence, there are a few things you can do to ease your mind and get rid of these unwanted thoughts.
  • Time
  • Time heals all wounds, they say, and in the case of limerence, it is certainly true that the intensity of feelings naturally dwindles over time. If you’re in the early stages, this may not be much consolation, but if you can hang on for long enough, the storm will eventually pass. This is not to say that your life will go back to exactly how it was before you met LO – there will always be a “what if?” lingering in the background – but the intense, all-consuming nature of limerence will dissipate.
  • Distraction
  • Limerence is a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and is typically associated with strong feelings of admiration, hope, and sexual desire. If you think about the object of your limerence all the time, you may be struggling to overcome limerence.

There are a few things you can do to try to overcome limerence:

-Spend time with friends and family: Spending time with loved ones can help take your mind off the object of your limerence.

-Find a hobby: Doing something you enjoy can help preoccupy your mind and make it easier to forget about your limerence.

-Talk to someone: Talking about your limerence can help you gain some perspective on the situation.

-Focus on self-improvement: Working on improving yourself can help you feel better about yourself and make it easier to move on from your limerence.

Counseling

Counseling can be very helpful for people who are struggling with limerence. A counselor can provide support and guidance as you work through your feelings. They can also offer practical advice on dealing with limerence daily.

Talk to your doctor or a mental health professional if you think counseling might be right for you.