Why do we let things bother us?
We let things bother us because we care about what other people think. We want to be liked, and we want to fit in. But sometimes, caring about what others think can hold us back from being our true selves. It can make us do things we don’t want to do and stop us from doing things we do not want to do. So, how can we stop letting things bother us?
The need for control
We live in a world where we have very little control. We can’t control the behavior of others, and that can be frustrating. The pandemic has forced us to stay home, wear masks, to social distancing. So what can we control?
The need for control is a basic human desire. We want to feel like we are in charge of our lives and destinies. But the reality is that we are not. Things happen that are out of our control all the time. And that cannot be easy to accept.
There are two ways to deal with this reality:
1) We can try to control everything and everyone around us to create a sense of order in our lives. This approach often leads to frustration and resentment because it’s simply not possible to control everything and everyone.
2) We can accept that things are beyond our control and focus on what we CAN control: our thoughts, feelings, and actions. This approach leads to peace of mind and inner strength because it allows us to let go of things we cannot change and focus on what we CAN change.
So the next time you feel frustrated or angry because you can’t control something or someone, remember that you always have a choice: you can either try to control the situation or let it go and focus on what you CAN. The choice is yours.
The need to be right
We need to be right for two main reasons: to protect our ego and to avoid feeling wrong. Our ego is our inner child that wants to feel good about himself and be liked by others. To achieve this, our ego often tries to prove that it is right and others are wrong. This need to right often manifests as a fear of not being good enough or feeling like we are not enough.
We compare ourselves to others when we feel like we are not enough. We compare our looks, our accomplishments, our possessions, etc. We compare ourselves to the Joneses and try to keep up with them. This comparison creates a false standard that is impossible to reach and keeps us trapped in a cycle of never feeling good enough.
The other reason we need to be right is to avoid feeling wrong. When we are wrong, we feel embarrassed, ashamed, and foolish. Our ego does not like feeling these negative emotions, so it will do whatever it takes to avoid them. This includes going out of its way to prove that it is right and others are wrong.
So how can we stop needing to be right all the time? The first step is awareness. Once we become aware of this need, we can start to catch ourselves when we are doing it. The next step is acceptance. We must accept that we are human and that making mistakes is part of being human. Finally, we need to let go of the need for perfection and embrace imperfection.
The need for approval
Most of us want to be liked and approved of by others. We want to fit in and feel like we belong. And when we don’t feel like we measure up, it can bother us—a lot.
The need for approval can lead us to silence our true selves. We may not speak up or share our ideas because we fear rejection or ridicule. Or we may try to be someone we’re not so that people will accept us.
This need can also make us emphasize what other people think of us too much. We may worry too much about what they say or how they react to us. We may go out of our way to please them or get their approval, even if it means sacrificing our happiness or well-being.
At its worst, the need for approval can be a major source of anxiety and self-doubt. It can hold us back from going after our dreams or living the life we want to live. It can keep us trapped in unhealthy relationships and prevent us from forming genuine connections with others.
So why do we let the need for approval have so much power over us? And how can we start to let go of it?
How to stop letting things bother you
It’s easy to let things bother you. You might be worried about what other people think of you, or you might be upset about something that happened in the past. You may be stressed out about a situation that you’re in right now. Whatever the case may be, there are steps that you can take to stop letting things bother you.
Be aware of your need for control
Remembering that most things in life are out of our control can be helpful. When we focus on things we can’t control, we’re more likely to feel anxious and stressed. That’s why it’s important to be aware of our need for control.
One way to do this is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the ability to be present in the moment and observe our thoughts and feelings without judgment. When mindful, we’re less likely to get caught up in worrying about things out of our control.
Another way to stop letting things bother you is to focus on your locus of control. This means focusing on the things you can control in your life. By doing this, you’ll feel more empowered and in control of your life, which can help reduce anxiety and stress.
Here are some tips for focusing on your locus of control:
-Identify the areas of your life that you have control over. This may include your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and reactions.
-Focus on making positive changes in these areas of your life. For example, if you’re feeling stressed about work, see if there are ways you can better manage your time or workload. If you’re worried about a relationship, see if there’s anything you can do to improve communication or resolve conflicts.
-Remember that you can’t control everything in your life. Accepting this can help you let go of worry and stress about the things you can’t change.
Be aware of your need to be right
We all need to be right. It’s part of human nature. But when you always need to be right, it can lead to problems.
You might find yourself:
-Arguing with others, even when you know you’re wrong
-Having trouble admitting when you’ve made a mistake
-Never forgetting (and maybe even holding onto) slights and hurts
Needing to be right can damage relationships and make you feel stressed and alone. It can also prevent you from learning and growing. If you’re always needing to be right, here are some things that might help:
-Try to see both sides of the story. When you’re feeling defensive, it can be hard to do this. But it’s important to try.
-Admit when you’re wrong. This can be hard, but it shows humility and strength.
-Apologize when you’ve hurt someone, even if you didn’t mean to. A sincere apology can go a long way.
-Be willing to let go of the need to be right. It might not happen overnight, but it’s worth working on.
Be aware of your need for approval
One of the main things that can bother us is the need for approval from others. We can get wrapped up in what other people think of us to the point where it impacts our daily lives.
No matter how many people tell us we’re great, there will always be someone who doesn’t approve of us. This need for approval often comes from a feeling of insecurity. We may not feel good or worthy enough, so we look to others to validate us. The problem is that more than this validation is going to be needed.
The only way to truly stop letting the need for approval bother us is to work on our self-approval. We don’t need anyone else’s approval when we’re OK with who we are. We need to learn to love and accept ourselves, flaws and all.
Letting go of the need for control
We’ve all been there. You’re trying to have a good day, but someone cuts you off in traffic, and suddenly your good day is ruined. Why does something so small have the power to ruin your whole day? Because you’re letting it. You’re giving that person the power to control your emotions.
Recognize that you can’t control everything
One of the most important things to remember is that you can’t control everything. There will always be things that happen that are out of your control. The key is to recognize when something is out of your control and let it go.
One way to do this is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and accepting things as they are. This doesn’t mean that you have to like everything that’s going on, but it does mean that you can let go of the need to control it.
Another way to let go of the need for control is to remember that not everything needs to be perfect. Things will happen and go wrong, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. Accept that not everything will be perfect and let go of the need for it to be.
Practice accepting what you can’t control
There are things in life we have no control over, no matter how much we want to. The sooner we accept that, the happier we’ll be. Here are four tips on how to stop letting things bother you that you can’t control:
- Don’t take things personally.
- Just because someone says or does something doesn’t mean it’s about you. If someone is rude, it’s a reflection of them, not you.
- Don’t try to change other people.
- You can’t change anyone but yourself, so trying to change others wastes time and energy. Accept them for who they are.
- Focus on what you can control.
- There’s no use worrying about things you can’t do anything about. Instead, focus on the things you can control, like your attitude and reactions.
- Let go of the need for certainty and perfectionism.
- Trying to control everything in your life will only lead to frustration and anxiety. Accept that there is uncertainty in life and that things will never be perfect.
- Let go of the need to be right.
- Many of us need to be right all the time. We want to be seen as competent and intelligent, and being right is a big part of that. The problem is that this need can often lead to conflict with others. We might argue with a friend or family member over something trivial or get into a shouting match with someone we don’t know.
The need to be right can also make us feel stressed and anxious. We might worry about what other people think of us or whether we’re making the right decision. This can lead to indecision and a feeling of being out of control.
So how can we let go of this need? First, it’s important to understand that there is no such thing as always being right. We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. It’s OK to admit that you’re wrong sometimes – it doesn’t make you bad. It can make you seem more humble and likable.
Second, try to see things from other people’s perspectives. When you’re in an argument, try to understand where the other person is coming from. It might help you see things differently and find a compromise with which everyone is happy.
Finally, don’t take things so seriously! The world will only end if you’re right all the time. Letting go of the need to be right will help you relax and enjoy your life more.
Letting go of the need for approval
One of the most important things you can do for your peace of mind is to let go of the need for approval from others. You will never be able to please everyone, so trying is not worth your energy. Instead, focus on what you think of yourself. When you focus on what other people think of you, you are handing over your power to them.
Recognize that you don’t need approval from others
To stop letting the approval of others bother you, you need first to recognize that you don’t need approval from anyone but yourself. You are the only one who gets to decide what is best for you, and you don’t need to seek validation from others to feel good about yourself.
It can be hard to break the habit of looking to others for approval, but it is important to remember that their opinion of you does not define your worth. Once you start accepting yourself for who you are, you will find that the approval of others becomes much less important.
One way to practice self-approval is to make a list of things that you love about yourself. Write down anything and everything that comes to mind, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. Refer to this list whenever you doubt yourself, and remember that YOU are the only one who gets to decide what is best for you.
Practice accepting yourself
Practice accepting yourself just as you are. This means recognizing your strengths and weaknesses and being OK with both. It also means recognizing that you are not perfect and will never be. Learn to love yourself just as you are, and the need for constant approval from others will start to fall away.
One way to practice self-acceptance is to list all the things you like about yourself, both big and small. Write these down and refer to them when you feel bad about yourself. Another way is to challenge your negative thoughts about yourself when they come up. For example, if you think, “I’m such a failure,” try to counter this thought with something more positive, like “I’m doing my best.”
Let go of the need for approval
One of the quickest ways to unhook yourself from the need for approval is to get clear on your values and what’s important to you. Knowing what you stand for makes it easier to let go of what others think and say about you.
Here are a few questions to help you get clarity on your values:
-What kind of person do I want to be?
-What do I want to stand for in life?
-What qualities do I want to cultivate in myself?
-What is most important to me in life?
Once you have a clear sense of your values, it will be easier for you to make decisions that align with them. And when you’re making decisions that are true to yourself, you won’t need the approval of others to feel good about yourself.
Of course, there will still be times when you care about what others think of you. But if you can keep your values front and center, it will be easier to let go of the need for approval and stay true to yourself.