Acknowledge your feelings
Are you sure you want to stop? If your goal is to get rid of the pain, then it might be better to focus on something else. Trying to forget can make the obsession worse. If, however, you’ve decided that you want to let go for good, then read on.
Acknowledge your feelings. It’s important to accept that you are feeling what you are feeling, even if it’s unpleasant. This doesn’t mean that you have to like how you feel, but it is necessary to acknowledge that the feeling is there. Suppressing or denying your feelings will only make them stronger.
Identify your trigger thoughts. These are the thoughts that start the obsession cycle. Once you identify them, you can start to challenge and reframe them.
Some common trigger thoughts include:
-I can’t stand how _ makes me feel -I can’t stand not knowing what is thinking/doing
-I hate __ so much
-I’m never going to get over this
Address your feelings
It can be tough when you find yourself obsessing over someone you hate. You might feel like you can’t get them out of your head and even start to feel a bit crazy. If this is happening to you, it’s important to address your feelings. Trying to push your feelings down will only make them come back up stronger. So, how can you stop obsessing over someone you hate?
Identify the reasons you hate this person
Before addressing your feelings, it is important to understand why you hate this person. Do they embody qualities that you despise? Do they make you feel inferior in some way? Have they wronged you in the past? Once you have identified the reasons for your hatred, you can begin to work on addressing them.
It is also important to consider whether your hatred is warranted. Is this person truly as bad as you think they are, or are you magnifying their flaws in your head? If you find your hate unjustified, let it go and move on. Holding onto unjustified anger will only hurt you in the long run.
Talk to someone about why you hate this person
When you’re stuck in close-up mode, it’s easy to forget that everyone is human. Zooming out and gaining some perspective can help you start to see the situation—and the person you hate—in a different light. “Hate is such a strong emotion, and it can consume you if you let it,” says clinical psychologist Alicia H. Clark, PsyD. “Part of learning to deal with hate is recognizing that we are all complex people capable of good and bad.”
Try to converse with someone who will listen non-judgmentally and help you explore your feelings. If you don’t have anyone to fill this role, consider talking to a therapist. When you articulate your thoughts and feelings out loud, you may see the situation—and the person you hate—in a new way.
Write down your thoughts and feelings about this person
Get a sheet of paper and write at the top, “Thoughts and Feelings about (person’s name).” Then set a timer for five to 10 minutes and write down everything that comes to mind, no matter how trivial or means it may seem. Don’t worry about grammar or sentence structure; just let the words flow. Once the timer goes off, put the paper away and don’t think about it again until the next day.
Repeat this exercise for three to five days in a row. After a few days, you should start to notice that your thoughts and feelings about this person are beginning to change. You may still not like them, but you should start to feel more in control and less obsessed.
It’s not easy to stop obsessing over someone you hate. Maybe someone has done you wrong or rubbed you the wrong way. Maybe it’s a co-worker who is always getting under your skin or a family member who drives you up the wall. Whoever it is, you can’t seem to stop thinking about them.
Avoid this person
The best way to get over your hate is to confront the person you hate and work it out. But this will only make things worse. The best way to deal with someone you hate is to keep your distance and avoid them as much as possible.
The more you see this person, the more you will be reminded why you hate them. So try your best to stay away from them. If you have to see them, such as at work or school, try to keep your interactions to a minimum. Please don’t engage in small talk or go out of your way to talk to them.
It’s also important that you avoid talking about the person you hate. This includes venting about them to your friends or family. The more you talk about this person, the more they will be on your mind. So it’s best to avoid talking about them altogether.
If you can’t stop thinking about the person you hate, finding a healthy outlet for your feelings is important. This could involve writing down what you’re feeling in a journal, talking to a therapist, or even going for a run. The goal is to find an outlet that helps you healthily release your pent-up anger and frustration.
Do something that makes you feel good
It’s easy to get wrapped up in what other people are doing, especially when it seems like they’re doing better than you. But at the end of the day, you’re the only one who can control your happiness. So instead of obsessing over someone you hate, do something that makes you feel good.
Try taking up a new hobby or rediscovering an old one. Spend time with friends and family members who make you laugh and feel good about yourself. Work on building your self-confidence, so you don’t feel jealous of others.
Most importantly, remember that everyone has their problems and life to deal with. Just because someone else appears to have it all together doesn’t mean they do. So instead of wasting your time and energy obsessing over someone you hate, focus on making your life the best it can be.