How to stop saying hurtful things when angry

How to stop saying hurtful things when angry

It is normal to feel angry from time to time. However, some people may find their anger so intense that it causes problems in their relationships or work. Others may even hurt someone else physically when they are angry.

If you find that you often say or do things that you later regret when you are angry, there are a few things that you can do to try and prevent this from happening. One way to do this is to practice some self-awareness and learn to recognize the signs that you are becoming angry. Once you know the signs, you can then take some steps to try and calm yourself down before your anger gets out of control. Additionally, it may help to practice effective communication skills to express your anger more constructively.

Why do we say hurtful things when angry?

It’s human nature to lash out when feeling threatened or hurt. When we’re angry, we often say things we don’t mean and that we later regret. Why do we do this? Let’s explore some of the reasons why we say hurtful things when we’re angry.

We are trying to hurt the other person

We say hurtful things when we are angry because we are trying to hurt the other person. We want to cause them pain and make them feel bad. We do this because we feel pain and want to lash out at someone else. This is usually not a conscious decision but rather a reaction to our hurt and frustration.

If we can step back and understand that the other person is not the cause of our pain, we can start to see them as human beings suffering just like us. When we see their suffering, it becomes much harder to say or do something that will cause them more pain. Instead, we may find ourselves wanting to comfort and support them.

We are trying to communicate our hurt

When we say hurtful things while we are angry, we usually try to communicate our hurt to the other person. We might feel overwhelmed, disrespected, or unimportant and lash out to make the other person feel our pain. Unfortunately, this often has the opposite effect and can damage our relationships.

If you find yourself saying Hurtful Things when you are angry, there are some steps you can take to try to stop:

-Identify your triggers. What situations or events tend to make you enraged? Try to avoid these situations or events.

-Try to stay calm. If you feel angry, take a deep breath and count to 10. This will give you a chance to collect your thoughts and calm down.

-Think before you speak. Once you have calmed down, take a moment to think about what you want to say. Make sure that what you say is true and helpful and will not further damage your relationship.

-Apologize if necessary. If you have already said Hurtful Things while angry, take responsibility for your words and apologize. This will show the other person that you are willing to work on your anger issues and repair the relationship.

We are trying to defend ourselves

When we feel attacked or threatened, our first instinct is often to defend ourselves. We want to make the other person feel as bad as they’re making us, hoping they’ll back down and leave us alone. This can manifest itself in the form of words – particularly hurtful or biting ones.

However, this approach only works sometimes. It often makes the situation worse. The other person feels attacked and defensive, and the argument quickly escalates. Before long, both sides are saying things they’ll regret.

It’s important to remember that we are not our anger. We are not the hurtful things we say when we’re angry. We are capable of reason and compassion, even when feeling threatened.

The next time you find yourself in an argument, take a step back and try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Consider what they might be feeling and why they might be acting the way they are. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but it will help you respond in a way that is more likely to de-escalate the situation.

How to stop saying hurtful things when angry

It’s never easy to keep calm when angry, but it’s important to try. When you say hurtful things to the people you love, it can damage your relationships. If you’re struggling to keep your cool, here are a few tips that might help.

Take a step back

When you’re in the throes of anger, it cannot be easy to think clearly and calmly. If you find yourself saying hurtful things during an argument, take a step back and try to calm down before continuing the conversation. Once you’re feeling more level-headed, you can explain to your loved one how their words made you feel and why they were hurtful. By taking a step back and approaching the situation with a clear head, you’ll be better equipped to handle it constructively.

Identify the feeling

When angry, it’s easy to say things you don’t mean. But once the words are out, you can’t take them back. That’s why it’s important to learn how to control your temper. The next time you’re angry, try these tips to help keep your cool.

  1. Identify the feeling.
  2. Are you really angry, or are you just upset? Recognizing the difference can help you choose your words more carefully. If you’re upset, you can let it go. But if you’re truly angry, you’ll need to find a way to calm down before you speak.
  3. Take a deep breath.
  4. This will help slow down your heart rate and give you a moment to think about what you’re about to say.
  5. Count to 10.
  6. This gives you time to calm down and figure out a better way to express yourself.
  7. Repeat a mantra in your head.
  8. Choose something short and positive, such as “I am in control” or “I can handle this.” Focusing on this positive message will help keep your emotions in check.
  9. Visualize yourself as calm and collected.
  10. Imagine yourself in a peaceful place, such as a beach or park. This can help relax your mind and body and make it easier to control your temper.
  11. Communicate what you’re feeling.
  12. Often, we say hurtful things because we’re feeling hurt, afraid, or threatened. We’re more likely to lash out to protect ourselves when we’re in pain. To stop saying hurtful things when angry, you must first understand what’s causing your anger. If we learn to communicate our feelings instead of attacking others, we can begin to de-escalate conflict and build stronger relationships.

Here are some tips for communicating what you’re feeling:

-Identify your triggers. What are the things that tend to make you angry? If you can identify your triggers, you can start to address the underlying issues.

-express your feelings in a non-threatening way. We often get defensive when we feel like we’re being attacked. If you can express your feelings without putting the other person on the defensive, they’ll be more likely to listen and understand where you’re coming from.

-“I” statements are a great way to do this. For example, “I feel disrespected when you speak to me like that.”

-Try not to blame or shame the other person. It is important to take responsibility for your feelings and communicate them without blaming the other person. This will only make them defensive and less likely to listen to what you have to say.

-Own your emotions. It’s okay to feel angry, hurt, or disappointed—but don’t take those emotions out on the other person. They don’t cause your feelings and can’t control how you feel. Only you can do that.

-Practice active listening. When the other person is speaking, really try to listen and understand their perspective. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but it’s important to try to see things from their point of view.

-Avoid knee-jerk reactions. It’s natural to want to react immediately when someone does something that upsets us—but that’s usually when we say things we regret later on. If possible, take a few moments to calm down before engaging in any discussion or argument

Use “I” statements

When angry, it’s easy to say things we don’t mean. We might yell out words in the heat of the moment we regret later. If you want to avoid saying hurtful things when you’re angry, one strategy is to use “I” statements.

An “I” statement is a sentence that begins with the word “I.” Using an “I” statement, you are taking responsibility for your feelings and reactions. You are also not attacking the other person or making them feel defensive. For example, you might say, “I feel disrespected when you speak to me like that.”

If you get angry, try to pause and take a few deep breaths before speaking. This will help you to calm down and think more clearly. Once you’re more in control of your emotions, try using an “I” statement to express your feelings.


It is human nature to lash out when we are angry, but often the things we say in the heat of the moment can be hurtful and cause lasting damage to our relationships. If you find yourself struggling to control your anger, there are some things you can do to help stop yourself from saying hurtful things.

-Try to take a step back and understand why you are feeling anger in the first place. Often, our anger is a reaction to something else going on in our lives, and if we can identify the root cause, we can address it directly instead of taking it out on those around us.

-Try to stay calm and avoid getting worked up. Take some deep breaths, count to ten, or do whatever else you need to do to keep yourself from losing your temper.

-Think about how your words will affect those you are speaking to. Will they help solve the problem, or will they make things worse? Choose your words carefully and try to be constructive instead of destructive.

-If you start to say something hurtful, stop and take a break if necessary. Sometimes we need some time to cool down before we can continue a conversation calmly.

Remember that it is okay to be angry, but it is important to express that anger respectfully and constructively, not hurtful and destructive.